I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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