I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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