If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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