I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
