remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
