Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
