That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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