You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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