please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
