Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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