I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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