Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
