Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize