It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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