Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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