she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
