I wish they made helmets for livers.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
