I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
