she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
