I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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