I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
