Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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