In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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