i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
