wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
