Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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