she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
