i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize