As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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