i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
