i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
