everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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