ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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