I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
