My nipple is on Facebook.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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