Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
