Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize