and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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