It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
