I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
