i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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