So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
