im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Randomize
