so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
