Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
