he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
