I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
