I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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