If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
