It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
