Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
