I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
