can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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