there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
