he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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