I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
