was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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