i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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