btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
