Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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