Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
