She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
