Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
