Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize