ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
