Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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