wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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