between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
