I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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