What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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