the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
