and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
