Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
