Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
