I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
