i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
