How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
